Freedom from stuck patterns: “Why do I keep going back when I know I would feel great if I changed them?” Let’s discuss feeling stuck in patterns that aren’t making you happy and how to shift them.

Freedom from stuck patterns…

Hello, this is Maria Furlano and I’d like to thank you for joining me in today’s podcast. And if you’re new to my podcast, I’d like to welcome you here and I hope that you enjoy this podcast and get a great deal out of it.

And if you’re someone who’s been listening to me now for a little while, I really appreciate you being on this journey with me.


Breathing Tune In

(00:50):  But first, as usual, I ask you to take in a nice long inhale and an even longer exhale and just let’s bring ourselves present wherever we are. If you’re driving, of course, don’t close your eyes, but breathe in and, and let that exhale.

Just let your exhale be nice and long and let your energy just align into this present moment. And again, I thank you for exploring this with me and I hope that this breathing feels good to you. Just reminding yourself, as often as you can, to stop and breathe – is much more powerful than I think we give it credit for.


I received this question in an email and I loved it and I really appreciate you “F” from Chicago. I’m gonna read your question here I’d love to explore this in today’s topic…

“I’ve tried over and over to stop habits that cause me pain. I have experienced serious backlash in my life because of the things I do, but I have never been able to change my patterns for longer than six months. Why do I keep going back when I know if I changed them, I would feel great?”  

“F” | Chicago

Well, that’s quite a question and I really thank you “F” from Chicago for your open and honest, question about this.

Freedom from stuck patterns is a very personal thing. Every one of us must decide how we most want to live our lives.

So many people I work with feel really stuck in patterns that are not fully supportive.

(02:35):  And the truth is when you say, “why ” only you, or each of us as an individual, can truly find that out for ourselves. But, there are ways that we can start that process. And I’m going to share that with you today and I hope this is helpful for everyone listening.

I know personally the frustration in wanting to shift something and losing traction on it over and over again. I struggled for years with my own self-defeating mindsets, which then initiated actions, otherwise known as “patterns” that were damaging to my emotional and physical health.

These patterns are habits.

When we begin to move into a space of energetic alignment, things really do shift and change, actually quite easily – more easily than you probably think if you’re struggling with something right now.

Today I’d like to share with you some of these insights that you can start to use right away…

Today I’d like to share with you some of these insights that you can start to use right away if you wish to begin shifting what’s not empowering you in your life and experience a freedom from habits that are keeping you stuck.

And I think that’s one of the best ways that you can look at it, is to say…

What’s not empowering me, that I would like to empower me?

One of the best things that you can do for yourself, but you have to commit to doing it in a loving and supportive way, is to set a space for yourself and remain totally accountable for your choices.

In my past I was extremely hard on myself. I would constantly not give myself enough credit because I was a perfectionist and I always felt it could be better. And sometimes perfectionism is really serving. It can keep you on task, it can make you expand and explore something a little more than you might not. And it can be really serving, but it can also be really damaging. And it would often cause me to put off things that would be so great for me because I was afraid to fail, or not be able to get it done in the way that I felt was really needed.

Moving through life from the energy of your heart

(05:15):  When you’re moving through your life from the energy of your heart, which is actually the opposite of self criticism, you’re constantly looking outside of yourself for solutions.

When I first began a journey to shift my energetic well-being, I began a process of tuning in to my own energy and not allowing outside excuses to pull me off course. And for me this meant I had to quickly catch myself if I found myself blaming others, or being judgmental, because it was more convenient than looking within myself .

With my clients now I call it a process of “stepping into yourself.”

“Stepping into yourself” simply means to step inside yourself and into your heart and look at the truth of your actions. Or, I’ll also say to “step into the heart of the matter.”

In medical Qigong, we work deeply with the energy of the heart and of the mind.

This is a topic I address in my live retreats, but we learn techniques and just how beneficial it is to move through your life from your heart space.

It’s not only that, it’s joyful, truly joyful to move through life from the energy of your heart, but you’re able to expand your energy and your intuitive gifts in enormous ways.

So, let me get back to patterns…

You begin a pattern for a reason

It didn’t come out of thin air.

You made a conscious choice to engage in that pattern.

We all make a conscious choice to engage in every activity and pattern that we create in our lives.

So one of the most important things to do is to get to the root of why you’re participating over and over in the action, or actions that you have a strong desire to change.

So there’s no judgment here. This is really important. Judgment gets us nowhere.

This is just a simple…

Why, When and Where did you start this pattern?

And a hint to this question of the “why” part is you must have needed something.

(07:50):  I say a lot in my work, that clarity brings transformation.

And often when we give ourselves the opportunity and the support to gain clarity, we find that patterns begin to dissolve on their own.

And it’s really amazing.

But it’s important to keep your exploration simple and focused.

Through my own practice, I finally learned to listen deeply within a part of me, that was wiser than my outside self.

And what I’m talking about, is what I think most people are calling their highest self… But I’ve always called it “my wisdom self.”

So, I made a commitment to pay close attention to the choices I was making literally every single minute… And how these choices led me to my feelings and further actions.

I know this might sound exhausting about making a choice every single minute, but when you’re ready to do this, it becomes a true place of exploration. And I found myself actually making a game of it, with real curiosity into how I was taking in the world around me and how I was responding back.

To break this down even more…

I watched what my current thoughts were and paid more attention to what was more inspiring for me to think about.

It’s really amazing when you stop and watch yourself and listen to how much energy, you may be spending on specific topics going over and over in your brain, that are really completely uninspiring and draining.

Another insight to remember is that activities give you energy – if they are activities of value.

(09:54):  A way to ask this to yourself is, what am I gaining from my current lifestyle activities? Are there other things that I would rather be doing?

Are there other things I would like to engage in, or learn that would be really fun and supportive for me?

It’s really wonderful when you learn to pay attention to the impact of situations that you participate in, or activities that you participate in. The impact on how you feel during and afterwards.

I would pay attention to the people in my life and things that were being asked of me and the conversations we were having. If I had any doubts about any relationship in my life, I would ask myself, what am I gaining in this relationship? And I would also ask, what are they gaining from me as a friend?

So if you’re feeling drained in certain relationships, it’s a strong indication that the energy exchange between the two of you is not aligning with your highest well-being.

(11:16):  But, feeling drained in a relationship can also mean that you’re not saying what you really need to say.

And this is important because again, this is about not judging and not blaming. It’s about taking full responsibility for yourself.

You may be holding back your truth in a relationship and there’s nothing more draining than holding back your truth.

It’s really important when you do this kind of work, that you find a neutrality when you explore these things with yourself. And what I mean by that, is for this to be full of curiosity about what’s really going on. It’s an honest time.

You have to be the energy of what you attract in your life.

If you’re engaged in patterns and habits and relationships that don’t make you feel good, then it’s simply about learning how you would need to shift your energy to attract inspiring patterns, or supportive habits and elevating relationships in your life.

On my website, I have a free three part audio series, where I discuss a topic I call “energetic digestion” and how important it is to understand what kind of impact our environment is having on our wellbeing. And I’m not talking about the planetary environment. I’m talking about your individual environment. Your home, your car, your work, the people in your life, how you’re spending your time.

And of course what affects us in our lives also affects how we’re actually digesting our nutrition and how we feel in our bellies. And if you don’t have access to this free audio series, you can sign at mariafurlano.com and get that easily…

But the question that goes with this about how is your environment affecting your well-being is to just simply ask…

“What am I taking in – in my environment and what are the people, situations and responsibilities that would really serve my heart to release in my life?”

And of course it always comes back to self care. How much quality of sleep are you getting? How is your nutrition and fluids? How do you support your energy on a daily basis?

And self care (of course) becomes more and more easy as you find more alignment in your life.

But once you’re able to boil all this down, it becomes really simple…

What kind of life do I want to create and live?

If we really want to get to the heart of “why” we keep doing the same things over and over and over, then it’s possible to “step into ourselves” and really take a look around.

And you can begin with asking yourself honest and high quality questions.

When you give yourself the opportunity to release what’s not truly serving you… You will have a freedom within your being that you have not felt before.

Also, please know this process doesn’t have to be intense. It can be the most loving and joyful experience you’ve ever had.

I whole heartedly believe that happiness counts and that opening your heart to your most inspired self is the most natural process in the world.

Thank you for being here, for being everything you are and for tuning in with me today.