“Awareness brings transformation”

When we’re wanting to change a pattern we may have had for a long, long time it can be challenging. A lot of times we just go into cycles of frustration and overwhelm. We play the guilt game with ourselves. This game of guilt is always a no win situation.

Today I’m sharing 3 questions you can ask yourself to help move you from difficulty to clarity as you move forward in changing any pattern you desire.

Listen to the podcast episode here ⤵️:

Read episode transcript and find links and more details here ⤵️:

Why is it so difficult to change a pattern?

by Maria Furlano, DMQ (China), MTOM, L.Ac.

Hello, and welcome. Thank you for joining me today. This is Maria Furlano. I’m so glad you’re here and today, I’m going to be answering a question that I got a couple of weeks ago…

“Why is it so difficult to change a pattern?”

This past week, I did answer this question on a video that I put on my YouTube channel, but I wanted to expound upon my answer and this topic just a little bit more.

It’s a great question and this is something that comes up often…

  • Why can’t I change something that I know that I should change?
  • Or, why can’t I stay consistent with things?

So I’m going to give you three things to look at today. If you are in the middle of changing a pattern – I hope these questions are going to help put you over that edge, or over that hump to get you moving forward.

But before we do that, as always, let’s take a nice deep breath and just tune in and bring us into the present.

A quick note if you’re new to finding me…


I want to thank you if you’re brand new here today, thank you for finding me.  If you don’t know who I am, I’m a healer and a teacher of Soul/Mind/Body practices. And my goal is to help people learn how to tune in, reset and cultivate their energetic well being… So they stop feeling depleted, anxious, in pain and overwhelmed.

~Tuning in breathing break ~


And one of the ways that we do that, is we tune in right away by using our breath.

So I’d like to ask you to take a nice deep breath in and we want to focus on making your exhale just a little longer than your inhale.

And what this beautiful thing does is it actually helps relax your heart rate. When you’re ready, again, breathing in nice and long. Nice and even… And exhale nice and long and relaxed.

So the more we do this, the more we practice getting present quickly. And if we do this throughout our day, it really helps to reset our energy. 

So, why is it so difficult to change a pattern?


Well, we get used to living in a certain vibrational state. It’s that simple.

We are used to being a certain way, we are used to our frequency resonating a certain way. Our habits are a certain frequency. Our relationships are a certain frequency, our patterns are a certain vibrational frequency.

So whether it’s how you’re thinking, whether it’s who we hang around the conversations that we seem to always have, the topics that we seem to read, whether it’s how we start our day or how we end our day, what we eat, what we don’t eat, right you get the picture, what we like to do, how we’re active, how we’re not active, whatever it is. 

We’re just used to being how we are. 

So if we want to change, I mean, actually really change something that we’ve been doing, we have to really understand that it means we’re going to be shaking things up that we’re going to be changing a very specific way that we’re moving through our life a way that we’ve gotten really used to, which means that we’re changing our vibration, or at least we’re changing the vibration of that pattern.

And what people usually do when they’re wanting to change something, and either they start and maybe it’s going well, and then maybe they’re not as consistent with it all of a sudden, and they can’t seem to stay on track with it.

Usually the vibration that they begin to take on is they beat themselves up, they start to do this mind, trick on themselves, that I call “the should syndrome,” where they start to say I should do this, I shouldn’t do this, why do I do this? Why don’t I do that, right? And there’s this guilt that goes around and around in the brain. And it becomes a no win game, especially for changing anything in our life. Right? It doesn’t really do us any good, but we still do it.  

3 things to think about when you’re changing a pattern…


So I want to give you today, three things to think about. And one of those is when you’re changing a pattern. The first question you really need to ask yourself, and this is going to seem really simple, but please hear me out.

#1 “Do I really want to change this pattern?”

That’s the first question. Do I really want to change this pattern and the reason that I bring this up is that when I coach people privately, a lot of times people are dealing with illnesses or pain syndromes, or overwhelm and anxiousious, and they’ve been recommended by their health professional to give up a certain thing in their life, or change a certain thing in their life that isn’t good for them. Now that can be anything from addictions to, you know, food to alcohol to smoking, overwork, and stress and relationships. It can be a myriad of things.

And sometimes when we’re told by a professional, that we really need to change something, sometimes we can be relieved and we can feel like okay, I know what’s going on now. And if I do this thing, in a different way, I will feel better. And I feel the motivation now and the support with my medical team or therapists to actually begin to change and that’s fantastic when that happens because you actually have the support, and I always suggest support. 

The stubbornness of change…

But on the other side of that, and I’ve seen this happen many times, a lot of times people are told something. And they know it’s not serving their emotional self ,or their health ,or their lifestyle. But they get really stubborn when someone tells them that they need to change something.

So they start out changing it, maybe just because they know they should or they’re doing it out of fear, which can be even worse, or they just feel guilty.  Whatever it is, but someone told them they should change something, and so that’s why they’re changing it. 

And the problem with this is that they haven’t found within themselves why they want to change this and if they really even want to change it?

It’s so much easier if you can find in yourself, do I really want to change? “Do I really want to change this pattern that I’m doing?” And why? And to be honest, we all know that the reason “why” we can resist change is because we’ve just gotten really comfortable in a certain way of being. 

We’ve gotten really comfortable…

We’ve gotten comfortable thinking a certain way or doing certain activities or not doing certain activities. And so there’s nothing wrong with that. But the second question that I have people ask themselves, and then I’m always asking myself as well is, well, if I want to change a pattern, or if there’s a pattern in my life that isn’t serving me, it’s not serving my health. It’s not serving my well being. It’s not serving my energy levels.

#2 “Why is this pattern so comfortable for me to stay in?”

The second question that I would suggest that you ask and journal about and think about is, why is this current pattern so comfortable for me to stay in? And

#3 “What am I resisting about actually changing this pattern?”

So if you’ve gone through the steps of, do you really want to change the pattern? So do I really want to change this pattern? Or am I being told I should change this pattern? Where is this coming from?

Is it coming from within me as a real change from my heart center that I really want to change?

Or are there other reasons around this pattern? You want to come to terms with that you want to come to a peaceful resolve with that. 

And then the second question, why is this current pattern so comfortable for me to stay in? And then finally, what am I resisting? What am I resisting about changing this pattern.

Sometimes what we need to do is just get to the deepest, honest parts of ourselves with ourselves, by ourselves. So we can let down all of our guard and just stop running.

We just need to be honest, it’s not about the shoulds and the shouldnt’s, right? It’s about what’s really coming up for me around this? And then when you’re able to do that, often, then you’re able to really talk to somebody about that you’re able to get support you need. 

Remember support…


We often try to change our patterns on our own, and that’s fine. But a lot of times when we’ve been doing something the same way over and over and over again, we really do need some support.

So whether it’s from your really good friends who understand where you’re coming from, maybe it’s from a support group or from professional people, like therapists, whatever it is, don’t be afraid to get support to change a pattern. 

A pattern is a big deal. Again, you’ve been living in a vibrational state for a certain amount of time, right? You’ve been repeating the same patterns the same way for probably a very long time. And for you to even have the courage to want to change something for the better for yourself… Well, I think that’s really to be celebrated.

So I hope that this will help. I hope that it gives you some insights. It’s very simple. Just get honest with yourself. What are you resisting and why? And be gentle? Go into your heart. Why am I resisting this? Just allow the wisdom of your heart to speak to you your inner knowing your internal wisdom, it knows everything and it’s the perfect place to always start from and again, if you need support, reach out and get support. You deserve it. 

Thank you for your questions. Please keep them coming and have a beautiful week everybody. I’ll see you in the next episode. 

~ Thank you for tuning in. If you’d like to go deeper into expanding your energetic well-being please visit MariaFurlano.com and if you’ve been inspired by this episode, please share it with a friend and a positive rating on iTunes is always appreciated. Thank you for being here for being everything you are and for tuning in with me today.

Links for support and exploration here:

➡️  “Root the Mind” A guided video practice to help ground your energy {free to access}.

➡️  “What is Qigong?” | episode #004 – Brief intro and story about chronic pain

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